Chapter 3 and 4: Apologizing Even though you were Right

Chapter 3&4: Apologizing Even though you were Right

If you can’t say you are sorry it will be difficult to stay in a marriage. Saying sorry and meaning it is one of the signs of humility in marriage.

The truth of the matter is that sorry does not come easily for most of us:

• You can say sorry out of anger.
• You can say sorry out of pride.
• Saying sorry just to make a point.

There is a genuine apology that a man or woman can render that shows that he or she is remorseful about what has happened.

This is a key to holding the marriage together. If you cannot swallow your pride and say sorry from a genuine heart, we can assure you that your marriage is going to face difficulties.

There is another level of apology that you have to come to terms with in the journey of marriage. It is the grace to APOLOGIZE THOUGH YOU THINK YOU ARE RIGHT.

This apology is necessary for the sake of peace in the home. Sometimes, looking at the situation at hand you need to value peace more than being right.

You have to cherish peace more than the pride of your ego. What happens in a godly relationship is this: when you apologize though you are right, the Spirit of God has the ability to communicate to your spouse his or her fault.

Chapter 3: Apologizing Even though you were Right

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Sometimes your spouse may realize his/her fault later. You need to master the ability to let go if you want peace in marriage.

Sometimes my wife calls me “lawyer” because I want to defend my points case by case. This sometimes can result in tension. I am learning the ability to let go not just in marriage but in ministry and life in general.

You want to have peace of mind in marriage, marriage is not a courtroom where cases are filed. Letting go is key to securing peace in the marriage.

If you see people who have been married for twenty to forty years, we can assure you that this lesson was well understood and applied. Learn this before you marry.

Practice it in other relationships you have because it will surely be needed in the school of marriage. The ability to say sorry when you are right is a peace provider. Eventually, the real truth will be seen and you will be vindicated. Your spouse will be amazed at your level of maturity.

Lets move to Chapter four

Chapter four: Dzorgbenyui’s Questions

Whether we like it or not, our children are watching. Our six-year-old girl can ask torturing questions that make us know without a doubt that children are watching everything you do or say to your spouse.

One day she asked, ‘Why have we stopped having morning devotions?’. I needed to answer her without lying. When we got married, devotions did not come to us that easily.

We were not trained that way in our respective homes though firm  believers in personal devotions with God. We believe that one needs to have his or her individual QUIET TIME with God.

But, as we were growing into a larger family with kids, there was a need to include morning devotions in our family life. This has not been easy but we have improved.

Chapter four: Dzorgbenyui’s Questions

Another time, for the first time in our matrimonial home, I was very angry at my wife and the children noticed it. No matter how I wanted to tone down my voice, I failed flat.

My daughter didn’t attack me that same day but waited for three days and then she dropped the ‘bomb’, ‘Daddy why were you so angry the other time’?

This was so difficult for me. I realized how my self-control meter was at its lowest ebb that day. Anyway, I answered and promised I will not be so angry that way again.

What are we trying to say here? Children are watching. They see our actions; they hear our words and can even read our moods.

The children live and thrive in a healthy atmosphere. As couples, we need to consciously create an atmosphere of peace and security for them.

Chapter four: Dzorgbenyui’s Questions

The survival of your marriage can never be realized if you don’t pay attention to your attitude at home and what you do when the children are watching and when they are not watching.

All through our marriage, we have consciously and unconsciously maintained this attitude. That very day was the first time in 8 years and we are not proud of it.

Remember; your children will be watching

Please click the link below and read chapters 5 and 6

Read: Chapter 5 and 6-Understanding Your Spouse

Book Title: Lessons for freshers In Marriage

Authors: Seth and Isabel Kunkpe

Publisher: Lyte Media, Accra Ghana

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